Kerin, your Relationship IQ is:

121




Your Relationship IQ measures what you know about relationships compared to others. It is built off the foundation of the traditional IQ test, where 68% of people who take this test worldwide score between 85 and 115. The above chart shows where you fall on the Relationship IQ scale compared to others.

As we previously mentioned, your Relationship IQ score is determined by your general knowledge of how people should behave in relationships. But we also took a look at how you actually behave in your relationships. To get this information, we compared your responses to the Relationship IQ test questions against what experts say is the right way to have a healthy relationship.

The first step to improving your Relationship IQ, so it can benefit you in your relationships, is to look at how your scored on four Relationship IQ dimensions: Acceptance, Communication, Conflict Resolution, and Intimacy and Sex. Acceptance Communication Conflict Resolution Intimacy and Sex 1 5 10 Acceptance Acceptance 1 5 10 On this scale, a score of 10 represents what the experts say is the right way to accept your partner's differences. You scored a 4. Some experts in the field of relationships at the University of Washington have spent their entire careers researching different aspects of what makes romantic relationships work. Combining their own examinations with data from an extensive inventory of couples' relationships, they have determined that the majority of couples in happy relationships feel that their partner respects their emotions, opinions, and ideas. These findings support the premise that for a healthy relationship to flourish, you must appreciate, and feel appreciated, by your partner — whether you know it or not. That is because appreciation comes in various forms, and those forms help build the basis of a good relationship. In short, the right way to have a relationship is to make sure you make your partner know how and why you value them, and to expect the same from them. On the whole, it's easier to appreciate people for things you can see, things that are tangible, like someone making dinner for you or picking you up after work. Those are things you routinely acknowledge with a verbal "thank you" or even a non-verbal "thank you" such as a hug or a kiss. What you really need to ask yourself on this dimension is if you truly accept your significant other's thoughts, values, and opinions. If you score lower than you'd like on the Acceptance scale, stop and ask yourself: Would you prefer it if everyone shared the same views as you? Or are you able to see validity in everyone's point of view, regardless of how different it is from your own? Do you just not care what others believe? People's opinions and values run the gamut from extremely conservative to extremely liberal and everything in between. Some prefer their significant other to have the same opinions and values, while others embrace the different opinions and values of their partner. The Acceptance dimension of your Relationship IQ looks at how you view differences in opinion that may come up between yourself and another person. Values are an important part of your life and, in some ways, your values define who you are. It is likely that you were raised in a particular way and deeply appreciate and respect your upbringing. Values have been instilled in you since day one, and you are likely to make decisions in accordance with them. Because your beliefs are a major part of your life, you prefer to surround yourself with others who share the same principles, ideals, and values as you. You appreciate a significant other who has a similar belief system and feel most at ease with your love when the two of you are on the same page. You tend to be attracted to others who share beliefs that are similar to your own. When your significant other has an opposing view, you may find yourself in a state of disbelief and begin to question if you really know this person. When this happens, you can begin to doubt that your relationship will work out, and the idea of ending it may enter your mind. It is wonderful that you have a well-defined set of values by which you live your life. However, your partner was probably not raised in the same manner and therefore may possess different standards. Differing beliefs do not necessarily signal the end of a relationship. When you and your significant other disagree, try to see their point of view rather than questioning the quality of your relationship. It would be helpful to have an open conversation in which you ask questions about your loved one's beliefs so you can begin to understand them better. Communication Communication 1 5 10 On this scale, a score of 10 represents what the experts say is the right way to communicate with your partner. You scored a 7. The ability to communicate well affects every aspect of your life. In order to get something, you have to be able to make your need for it known. To connect with others, you have to open up your world to them. Communication is all about how clearly you express yourself and your needs. Your skill with communication is also indicated by how well you are able to hear what others have to say, whether through words or non-verbal communication like body language. As such, communication has been studied by psychologists from many different angles. The most current research indicates that in order to have a successful relationship, partners must feel as if they are able to express their differences (Wallerstein, 2002), as well as be a good listener (Schwartz, 2002). In short, the right way to have a relationship is to be open to talking about issues as well as be willing to listen to your partner. The Communication skills dimension looks at your expectations around communication in general, how you relate to people in your life. The degree of comfort you feel in expressing your own needs and beliefs/thoughts/opinions directly impacts your ability to relate to others on an intimate level. But communication is not a one-way street. That is why the Communication dimension also looks at how you figure out what your significant other is saying to you through words or body language. You have a relatively good understanding of your partner and what they want, but some things are just a mystery. There are just some times when you can't know what everyone is thinking, and they can have no sense of what you are thinking. In your relationship, you are generally comfortable expressing yourself and are pretty adept at understanding your significant other. But you may sometimes be shocked when your loved one does not get something about you that you assumed they would. This can throw you, and possibly your relationship, for a loop, but it is something that you two are eventually able to see eye to eye on. That's because you tend to keep lines of communication open between you and your significant other. To open them up even further, try to catch yourself when you make assumptions about your partner. Rather than taking your assumption for granted, ask your significant other what their thoughts are on the matter. When you are having a conversation with your loved one, exercise your listening and comprehension skills by repeating what they've said in your own words. This ensures that you really get what they're saying. If you have a question about where your loved one stands on an issue, ask rather than assume.

Conflict Resolution Conflict Resolution 1 5 10 On this scale, a score of 10 represents what the experts say is the right way to resolve conflict with your partner. You scored an 8. No matter how perfect the relationship, you're bound to run into conflict from time to time. So how do you handle it? Do you avoid the touchy subject? Or do you dive right into the fray and meet the challenge head on? Psychological research suggests that people who are able to bring up points of contention and come to a solution together have a relationship that is characterized by greater communication and intimacy (Canary & Cupach, 1988; Fitzpatrick & Sollie, 1999). In short, the right way to have a relationship is to address differences and points of difference. The Conflict resolution dimension taps into how you deal with confrontation when it arises. This refers to what you think it means to have a disagreement with the significant person in your life and what you think is the best way to deal with it. In addition, the Conflict dimension assesses your understanding of resolving conflict. You understand that conflict is normal for any relationship. And with that viewpoint, it's natural for you to be fairly adept at handling it. You have learned very well how to pick your battles. You will usually tackle an issue when it is personally important but you may let some things go in order to keep the peace. You may find that some issues cause you some level of distress, which might result in a poor night's sleep, or a lack of appetite when you decide not to voice what's troubling you. In your relationships, you are relatively comfortable bringing up issues with your significant other, though you don't think it's critical to talk about everything that irks you. Similarly, you don't expect your partner to bring up every little thing that bothers them about you either. You simply feel there are some issues that do not need to be discussed. When your loved one does bring something up that you do not think is important, you might become frustrated, and that will likely hinder your ability to discuss it. You are definitely on the right track with dealing with the important issues in your relationship. And sometimes it is good to shrug the unimportant stuff off. But you may hesitate to bring something problematic up, and this could prevent your relationship from progressing further. When you find yourself frequently thinking about an issue or losing your appetite or sleep over it, find an appropriate time to discuss it with your partner so the two of you can begin to come to a resolution. Intimacy and Sex Intimacy and Sex 1 5 10 On this scale, a score of 10 represents what the experts say is the right way to express intimate feelings with your partner. You scored a 6. For several decades, the role that sex plays in a relationship has been studied by researchers across many different disciplines, including biology, psychology, and sociology. Experts have concluded that sex can be a way that people express emotional intimacy. They also concur that sex can be a means for a couple to build upon the closeness that they already have. In short, in order to have the right kind of relationship, you need your physical connection to further your emotional connectedness to your partner. Sex can hold a powerful position in some relationships. It is one of the factors that differentiates a romantic relationship from a platonic one. So what does sex mean for you? Is it the cornerstone of your romantic relationship? Or are there things that are more significant? The Sex and Intimacy dimension looks at the role sex plays in your relationship, particularly how important or unimportant sex is for you. Sex has a couple different components to it: how you approach sex in your relationship and how much you generally know about sex. Here's what we can tell you about how sex affects your personal relationships. There are other parts of a relationship that you find more important than sex. It appears as if you connect with people on a mental, rather than a physical, level. This could be because you are uncomfortable with your body or with getting physically close with someone. It could also be due to the fact that you grew up in an environment where close, physical contact was simply not the norm. There are some people who, due to circumstances beyond their control, have difficulties with touching others and being touched. For you, connecting physically with your significant other doesn't seem critical. Rather, you place more importance on other parts of your relationship. This can potentially cause problems if your significant other believes that the physical aspect of a relationship plays an important role. It is great that you can place importance on the non-physical aspects of a relationship since people can connect on many different levels. However, a physical relationship is one of the many components of a romantic connection. Your significant other may feel rejected on some level if you ignore the physical aspects of being together. If you are comfortable being physically close with one another, you might consider giving your partner a hug or touching their arm while having a conversation. If you are not comfortable with increasing your physical contact with your partner, you may consider talking with them about your discomfort, if you feel safe doing so.

Beyond your scores on the Relationship IQ dimensions, beyond your general knowledge about relationships, we can also infer from your answers on the test, the way you are in a relationship. You, it turns out, are a Stabilizer in relationships. You have a plan in life, and you take time to form a strategy to get what you want. You know your goals, and nothing will stand in the way of your dreams. People admire your dependable and reliable nature. If you say you're going to do something, people can count on your word — and you appreciate when others do the same. Your passion for life is a thread that runs through every aspect of your relationship — from your beliefs and opinions to your persuasion of others to see life the same way you do. You like a partner who complements your take on the world, but can also give you space to do things on your own. You're consistent in your beliefs and practices, which your partner respects about you. In arguments, you may find yourself agreeing with your partner so the discussion will end amicably. It's not that your views have necessarily changed, but you may behave as if they have just to keep the peace. It takes a lot for you to have a spat, but it doesn't take long to kiss and make up. In fact, that's the easiest part of a disagreement for you. Sex is an added bonus to your intimate relationship. Physical intimacy is one of the many ways you connect with that special person in your life, but it's not the be-all and end-all of your relationship. Talk is just as important as touch, sharing a moment is just as essential as a good hug, and laughing together is just as valuable as kissing. You are not overly dramatic. You want a peaceful relationship, not one that's filled with roller coaster emotions. You and your partner don't play games, and it's important that you feel like you're both on the same page. Together, you form a steady and solid relationship foundation. There are many ways you choose to deepen the emotional bond that you share, and sex is just one of them. You try hard to express yourself clearly, and it's frustrating for you when your partner doesn't seem to understand you. When your partner is grasping at straws trying to "figure you out," it can disrupt your sense of that solid foundation that's so important to you. You are true-blue in your relationships, and you like your significant other to be the same way. You like things to be constant, both in relationships and out in the world, because it gives you a grounded feeling. This creates a pattern in your relationship and in life that's easy for you to follow. Sometimes, though, you may feel like you're in a relationship rut, where you're simply going through the motions without getting anywhere. This can take its toll and because it can be difficult for you to try new things, it can leave you feeling helpless and overwhelmed. Try to head off that "relationship rut" feeling before it actually happens. Break out of the mold and see where it leads you. Why not take a yoga class together? Or surprise your partner with a weekend getaway? By trying some things that are out of your norm, you may find new worlds opening up to you, and your relationship will ultimately grow and become more intimate as you expand your horizons together.

The Relationship IQ test was created by a team of Tickle psychologists who noticed there was something missing in the study of relationships: a way to determine how much knowledge an individual can possess about romantic relationships. Up until now, there hasn't been a scientific method to gauge this knowledge. Tickle's Relationship IQ test fills the gap and provides people with a concrete way of grasping just how much they know about romantic relationships. By poring over countless studies on relationships and communication, Tickle psychologists distilled the most compelling components: acceptance, communication skills, conflict resolution, and intimacy and sex. To determine your Relationship IQ, Tickle constructed a test around these four qualities that recent research agrees determine relationship success. The more a person knows about something, the more likely they are to use that knowledge in their personal life. Based on that premise, Tickle has been able to determine your Relationship IQ Type. This describes how you are most likely to act in your romantic relationship based on the information you have. But you don't have to stop here — there are a number of sources you can use to learn more about romantic relationships. For the latest scholarly findings on romantic relationships, turn to psychology journals such as the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships(www.jspr.org), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Psychology of Men and Masculinity and Sexuality, Society and Feminism. Feature articles on how people interact with others are also useful. Magazines such as Psychology Today and the American Psychological Association are great relationship resources. The questions dealing with general sexual knowledge were derived from research performed by private companies and scientist practitioners. Durex, a condom manufacturer, conducted a massive study in 2000 in order to look at sexual behaviors, attitudes, and health around the globe. Scientist practitioners, such as Alfred Kinsey and the Masters and Johnson team, have done pioneering research in the areas of sexual behavior and the human sexual response, respectively. Both forms of research help to keep us better informed about human sexuality and its place in a romantic relationship.

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